Running While Trans

 In reference to the Cyrsti’s Condo post  concerning the attacks on transgender athletes by Republicans around the country At the least, you have to admire the courage of trans athletes everywhere to compete in their chosen sports. Back in the day, I used sports as a way to mask my gender leanings. Fortunately these days, transgender sports fans are not backing away from participation in activities they enjoy. 

Of course too, you have to factor in the influence of hormone replacement therapy on the athlete’s body. Which is part of Connie’s comment:

Connie at work.

” I have to admit that I have mixed feelings on this subject, because it is far from an either/or issue. Fifty years ago, when I was on my boy’s high school track team, I was a better 440 yard runner than most boys, but I’m certain that I could have won the race every time, had I run against cis girls (I’ve checked the record books). Never mind the fact that there were many times when I would return home after track practice or a meet and secretly express my femininity through dress or activities, just as any girl might have. Of course, fifty years ago, I really had no choice but to keep my femininity a secret, and there wasn’t even a girls track team at my school. I seriously doubt that, if I had been free to declare my gender identity and there would have been the opportunity to join a girls team, I would have chosen to compete against the girls.

Puberty blockers and HRT would have made a difference in my athletic abilities. I don’t know how much difference, but I’m guessing that I might have been among the fastest girls; not necessarily a record-setter, though. Then, again, maybe I wouldn’t have had the same interest in competing against anyone – boys or girls – had I not been subjected to the ravages of male puberty. Much of the reason I had for participating in athletics was to hide my feminine identity, anyway.

So, I believe that trans girls should be able to compete against all girls, but not by mere declaration of gender identity alone. Whether it be through suppression or introduction of cross hormone therapies, there should be the requirement that a trans girl must have been under some regimen for a certain period of time before being allowed to compete against other girls.

I know there are people from both sides of the argument who disagree with me. While I can’t see the fairness in allowing only a self-declaration of gender identity, I certainly reject the notion that “biological boys” should be disallowed from girls’ athletics outright. The thing that gets me is that many of the same people who want to keep trans girls from being on girls’ teams because of their hormonal “advantage” are the ones who want to criminalize any hormone therapies for trans girls. But, as Paula said, these people are just trying to erase trans existence altogether.”

So true! Thanks for the comment. 
As I have written, HRT has robbed my body of a significant portion of my former male strength. What I will never know is how much of the loss could be attributed to age considerations. 

I do know for sure, the entire idea of boys competing against girls is so wrong. The power of hormones changes all of that. As Paula said, all of this is once again a group of ignorant gender bigots trying to erase our transgender existence.

Women in the Band

Recently, I wrote a post spotlighting a punk rock musician (Laura Jane Grace) who made the transgender transition to a woman in the middle of her career.

Perhaps you may remember, one of the all time Cyrsti’s Condo regulars, Connie (below)

is also a musician as well as Paula in Great Britain. 

Connie sent in this comment concerning her interaction with her fellow musicians:

“Punk fans would, most likely, be more accepting than would, say, Country music fans to see a musician make an mtf transition. One of the things that held me back from transitioning was my music. Not that I had “made it”, at all, but it was a big deal for me to make the change from a front man to a front woman. Even though the band’s bookings became more plentiful with me as a woman, the guys in the band felt we’d become more of a novelty act.

 I was told that I needed to make up my mind which gender I was going to perform as. It was not difficult for me to make the decision, as my transition was already in motion. It wasn’t the first time, nor was it the last, that a woman broke up a band. I just did it a little differently. ;-)”

My only question was did you have to give up your music before the pandemic took it away anyhow?

Validation II

I have received several comments here in Cyrsti’s Condo concerning transgender public acceptance I wanted to share with you.

The first comes from Gracie:

I had a similar validating experience at the 5/3 office on Fountain Square. I had euros left over from a trip that I wanted to convert to dollars. I was chatting with the teller and the adjacent teller (I was the only customer at the time).

Everything was going fine until the teller asked for my ID. Not sure why the needed it, but their process wanted to link the transaction to someone in their records. So I reached in my purse and handed her my male drivers license. She started typing from the license, then got a confused look. She looked at me and then looked at the license and started fumbling for words. In my male voice, I said, ” I wasn’t dressed as nicely for the license photo.” She smiled and continued on with the process. When I left she said that it was really a pleasure to meet me. The guard held the door on my way out and said, ” Good morning Ma’am” . Great validation. I was on cloud nine.

Thanks Gracie! So exciting!!

The second comes from Connie and her unique personality:

The other day, I did my weekly grocery shopping (the only thing I’m doing in public these days). I was trying to ignore the dysphoria that lingered from what I saw in the bathroom mirror at home. It’s always been the lipstick that adds the finishing feminine touch to my appearance – to me, anyway. Wearing a mask over made-up lips seems ridiculous, if not downright messy, so I left the house feeling somewhat undone.

While the checker was running my items through, I made some smartass remark (who, me?), and it suddenly dawned on me that my facial expression may not have been detectable because of the mask. Also, I couldn’t tell if the young man behind the counter knew I was joking because he was wearing a mask, too. I immediately followed up with saying, “I just realized that no one can see my smile behind the mask. I was just joking…really!” The woman in line behind me, who was not wearing a mask, had heard me, and she bust out laughing. Aside from the probability that her robust laughing was sending airborne particles far beyond the six foot safe zone, the incident completely distracted me from my dysphoria at that moment.

Even though, after I’d loaded the car with my purchases, I applied my lipstick in the rear-view mirror for the mask-less drive home, I did so out of a positive attitude, and not out of a desire to mask my dysphoria from myself. Hmmm, should I call it an “e-mask-ulating experience? 🙂

Thanks Connie!

Thanks for the Input!

I am on several other blogging and social media platforms with my Cyrsti’s Condo Blog. In fact, I have several great friends who follow posts on Facebook. A couple of these friends I was fortunate to meet in person, years ago. Recently one of them, Jen sent me this comment concerning our journey as transgender women and men:

“Im sure it’s a journey that isn’t a bed of roses. I’m sure most people don’t understand so much especially about this subject. I think its important to have light on this and along with many other struggles people face. I have no doubt that the victories are won when its realized how strong one has become through the struggles, pain and finally becoming the living story that says you can do anything you set your mind to and love yourself and be who you are even when no one else doesn’t accept you. 

Many like to turn their noses or point the finger while all along, they have their own skeletons and struggles they hide and hate on others. I applaud you, I applaud the one suffering silently, the one that suffers publicly and the one who takes that first step and the many others that you yourself and the others that you have shared about.the struggles and victories are a testimony and inspire me. Thank you.”…  Thank you Jen! You inspire me!❤

On another subject, Connie wrote in on the “Rude Paul” post commenting on my speculation that Paul was yet another old, cis gender male rump supporter:

“Well, I’m sure that Trump is a Paul supporter. Not that he supports his lifestyle, necessarily, but he seems to hold admiration for anyone who can turn a buck by using their “personality” to garner favor from the public. Even if it is more like the appeal of a train wreck, playing to the fools who would be attracted to whatever they are selling is Trump’s MO. Of course, it’s not so much the product, but the self-branding that is important to their successes. B.T. Barnum depended on the “sucker born every minute,” and knew that he could still sell circus tickets to the very people he publicly deemed to be suckers. Trump and Paul are no different, except that they have the ability to use modern technology to draw many more people into their circuses.”

Imagine rump watching drag race at the White House and trying to figure out how he can rip off more votes by watching it?

“Book Em” Cyrsti

I have finally decided to start on my second book.My first E-published book is now out of “print” so it is time to attempt a bigger better one.

Of course the Cyrsti’s Condo blog is always a good place to start, since over the years I have accumulated over 5500 posts. Plus I have chapters I already attempted for book number two. So, my problem becomes having all these loosely connected thoughts floating around. I even have about ten ideas I have been collecting on my phone in a memo app I have. 

What’s a girl to do? This time I am using a loose leaf notebook to compile my ideas. For example, my initial chapter will include a glossary of terms plus a short bio. It amazes me how many more terms I have had to add since the first book was started nearly seven years ago. 

Initially, as I move along I am planning to insert new ideas into the binder under headings I think they belong under. Another example would be the chapter I am building under the pain of being mis-gendered and rest room usage. Both carry bad consequences. As I write more about them, now I can insert the extra content into the proper place in the binder and edit it all when I get ready to finish. 

The average book (according to Google) contains between 60,000 and 100,000 words depending on the genre. I’m writing a non fiction book so I have found most sources say the same thing.  lo short,  I am aiming to write at least 75,000 words. 

You may ask what will make my book different? For one I am steering clear of supposedly scholarly ideas on the subject of being transgender. Zeroing instead on the life aspects of our culture. In other words, what I try to go in the blog. 

There are several self publishing companies I am in contact with, plus I am fortunate in that my partner Liz is a book editor of sorts. Having her edit my book would save at least nine hundred dollars. 

My problems are staying organized and finishing the project. This time I want a paper copy of my book which I know will cost quite a bit. So along the way, I have to save up the money to do it too. 

I will keep you all posted.

Mostly Trial and a LOT of Error

Over the past decades I have learned the hard way there is no easy way for most of us to feminize ourselves and face the public. I can’t tell you how many times I was brought to tears by people snickering at me. 

What happened though was I developed a thick skin while I learned to take better care of my own. Also ironically the more harassment I received, the more determined I became to present better in public as a woman. The more I progressed, the more natural I felt and over an extended period of two things happened. Probably the most important was gaining all an important confidence. More and more any resistance to me from the public was their problem, not mine. 

Equally as important and a factor which took me years to research was how far reaching my possible transgender leanings went.  All of a sudden, I decided to throw my easy cross dressing trips shopping out the window. Even I learned clerks in stores didn’t care who I was compared to how green my money was and easy trips to quiet book stores didn’t really challenge by goal to be more feminine. 

Finally I decided I had to take steps to establish myself as more than the occasional cross dresser if I was ever to explore if I could ever live full time as a transgender woman.

Here was my method as I have written about before here in Cyrsti’s Condo. First I had to try to take a realistic look at what I wanted to accomplish. Little did I know how quickly I could establish myself after I quit doing dumb things like basically changing my name to match new wigs and going to gay bars looking for acceptance.  An example was when I dressed to match all the other single professional women that first night when I slid into an upscale bar stool at a Fridays outside of a close by busy mall. Make no mistake, I was scared to death! I still remember what I wore and each and every emotion like it was yesterday. Basically I wore a black pants suit with flats. With my restaurant/bar experience, I knew once I made it past the hostess stand with no problems all I had to worry about was finding a seat at the bar. 

To make a long story short, I ended up becoming a semi regular at the venue and was treated well over the years.

Of course others have different yet similar experiences. Let’s check in with Connie:

 “I must say that this is certainly the time for 2020 hindsight! 🙂
There’s so much more for a trans woman to change than just her clothes. If only it were that simple for most of us. When one becomes uncomfortable with what had once been her comfort level, pushing a few limits is then necessary. Although there are copious amounts of information and anecdotal stories that are readily available, we all must subject ourselves to some personal trial and error, if we expect any change. Learning to laugh at one’s own mistakes, and to celebrate the successes, is a change for the better.”
So true! Thanks!