Wow! She Transitioned Well!

Yesterday I wrote a Cyrsti’s Condo post on Nicole Maines transgender character being part of the features in the new DC Comics Pride Anthology issue. At the same time I noticed a post in Femulate from Stana. Without a doubt we all have different distances to travel in our public presentations as we transition genders. 

Take Nicole Maines for example.  She gained “passing privilege early in life from her parents when she was accepted for who she really was. She was “allowed” to not go through testosterone poisoning before and during puberty.  Even to the point of becoming a transgender activist at an early age. I am sure most of us would feel so fortunate to have been in the same situation. 

Now, let’s take Stana fromFemulate for example. In her recent post, she described how she was mistakenly confused by an intake person as being a feminine person. She has always written concerning being a “feminine” male. Again, you can see from her wonderful pictures how well she has transitioned. Or maybe she would argue she didn’t transition at all. She is just living as her authentic self.  

Then, there are the rest of us. All have faced differing levels of being able to try our best to present a feminine image. If you see many true photos on line (which are getting harder and harder to find) you will see many who have struggled with the basics of transitioning.

The sad part, or even tragic part is all of us are only trying to do what comes naturally. Forget the transition word, we were always girls and women. The only beneficial part of not being particular feminine was I was able to fool the bullies and they left me alone. 

My most recent example came yesterday when I went to the Cincinnati VA Hospital for my second vaccine.  When I went in for my first shot, I was mis-gendered at least three times which nearly broke my heart. This time, I gathered my resolve to not get mis-gendered so many times. I spent extra time on my eye makeup, since my eyes would be the only part of my face which would be seen. I also spent extra time trying to style my hair different. Again, looking ahead to wearing a mask.

The good news was this trip I wasn’t mis-gendered at all.  More than likely, the year off from interacting with the public I have gone through has made me lazy when it comes to my feminine presentation. 

At the least, maybe someone will think I transitioned well.

Crossing the Gender Divide

As I went back and read the “Double Edged Sword” post, I decided on a couple other thoughts I didn’t mention.

Looking back at the decade which is all but over, I realized the enormity of what I was able to accomplish.

Of course the trip across the gender frontier wasn’t all fun and games and I wonder if I would have made it at all without the help I received.

As I moved forward into the feminine world, I learned very quickly three lessons as my male privilege disappeared. One of which was my perception of how women treated other women changed. It didn’t take me long to realize smiling faces sometimes held  knives just waiting to be stabbed into my back.  Passive aggression was often as harmful as a man’s frontal assault.

Another big lesson came in the communication department. It seemed the better I became in my feminine presentation, the lower my IQ became. The first time happened when my car broke down and I had to call a tow truck. The whole scene was “helped” along when a well meaning sheriff showed up to help. To make a long story short, it turned out both of them had a better idea of how to get my car back to my house than I did. On the way home I finally just relegated myself to “dumb blond” status, as I was back in those days and started asking stupid questions about how the tow truck worked.

Even after that, I was a slow learner. Somehow, someway I would get myself into conversations with men in the sports bars I went into. I found out again and again how little I all of the sudden I knew. 

Being invisible in a crowd became a reality too. One time several cis women servers from a place I frequented quite a bit invited me on a “girls night out” with them. I was flattered and went along. Soon I found out how the most attractive of the crew received all the attention. I figured beggars shouldn’t be choosers though and relaxed to enjoy the gender banter.

Perhaps the most important lesson came in how I viewed my personal security. I was fortunate. One late night on the downtown streets of Dayton, Ohio I was semi accosted by two men looking for money. I got away with only giving them five dollars. From then on, I learned to check out my surroundings and always walked with a friend anytime I could. In fact one night when I went back to the same area (which contained several gay bars) my wonderful trans guy friend was nice enough to walk me to my car.

As I wrote in my last post, it was quite the decade. I wouldn’t wish being transgender on my worst enemy. On the other hand, crossing the gender divide was at times a scary experience and at others a terrifically exhilarating one.   

Tomorrow, on my New Years Day post I will follow Stana’s lead from Femulate and show you a before and after comparison.

Say it Ain’t So!

After twelve and a half years writing a blog, Stana of the blog Femulate is calling it quits.

Stana

Very simply, as most of you know, I have referred to her blog as the “gold standard” of transgender related blogs. You could always count on it to be well written, informative and full of wonderful pictures.

I will miss it totally. Stopping by Femulate was my first move every morning when I set out to figure out what I was going to write here in Cyrsti’s Condo.  Many days it was like walking through sand to figure out what (if anything) I could possibly add to create yet another post. On many of those days, Stana was my push to get up and get moving.

Truthfully, after some 5600 published posts, I wonder if I should go away too. I think what I am going to do though instead of shutting down the blog, is instead taking a couple courses on creating a more professional site.

At this point in time, I am thinking of taking some of my vacation (coming up soon) to think about it.

In the meantime, I will always admire and respect Stana for her efforts.

She will be missed!

Passing?

I saw a post somewhere the other day about the importance of a person’s “passing privilege.” 

First of all, I am not a big fan of the passing comment at all and always like to refer back to Stana’s Femulate comment referring to how she always passed with care, by using her horn, flashing her lights etc. 

As far as I am concerned, I go back to what a transgender woman friend told me years ago. She said, I passed out of sheer will power. So many years later, I still do. 

I was never blessed with being a “natural.” It took me a long time to realize the compliment “You make a great looking woman,” was missing the rest of the comment…for a man. Evan though I grew up desperately wanting to be a girl, I lived in a male dominated world and had precious little time to express my “feminine side.”

My real inclusion into having any passing privilege at all came after I made the decision to go on HRT. All the good things happened like hair, breasts, soft skin and a rounder face. However, I do believe sometime in the future I will get a health pay back in return for messing around with my body’s hormonal basic’s.

In the mean time though, I will continue to put my best feminine foot forward to the world the best I can. Out of sheer will power.

Hopefully I won’t wear my horn out when I get the chance to pass.